Inner Critic: The Most Common Mistake & How To Avoid It

I thought it was about time I wrote this. 

Seeing it's something I've talked about a lot during workshops. It's also one of the most common 'diseases' out there. And yes I've suffered from it too.

'I can't do it' 

'I'm ugly/stupid/fat etc'

'I'm not good enough'

Seriously... I don't know a single human being that hasn't thought one of these at some point in their life. Quite often when we do, we assume we're the only person. That somehow everyone else 'out there' is separate from us and we're stuck in a gloomy, lonely dark corner. 

I'll let you into a secret... believe it or not, these limiting thoughts are not coming from you as a whole. You are simply the one listening and hearing these thoughts. You are something so much more if you dare to believe. 

These are coming from what many call the 'Inner Critic'... that part that is scared, fearful, angry and hurt. The part that is holding onto limiting beliefs and fears by a way of protection and comfort however weird that may be.

Though by continuing to believe and act according to these thoughts, will only take us so far.

Quite often when we believe we're not good enough, that we're flawed, we use it as an excuse as to why we can't have something, do something or why we can't enjoy the life we desire. We use it as an excuse to stay within our comfort zone. Believing we must be what we think society views 'perfect' in order to be worthy of something. Funny thing is, perfection is totally a matter of individual preference and perception!

To be worthy of a great job, body or partner does not mean you need to be perfect.

Yet often the negative voice within doesn't take notice of this... and you know one of the reasons why? Because we've been giving attention to what it says as if it's gospel and we haven't cleared away the limiting beliefs within.

Being a perfectionist can have it's drawbacks, especially if we choose to believe the Inner Critic. Good news is, it's not too late for change. 

Thanks to many practical tips I've learnt from NLP, I discovered how to start detaching from my Inner Critic, transforming that voice into my Inner cheerleader whenever I notice it arising. Is it always easy and plain sailing? No. Though what I've learnt along the way has made it so much easier.

You see, this fearful part (the Inner Critic) contrary to popular belief is not something to be shunned, boxed or suppressed. You've probably heard the phrase 'what you resist, persists' right?

It's applicable to to this too. 

Click To Tweet: The Inner Critic is giving you a dare... are you going to believe what it says or pursue what you love regardless? Emma Bradford

I've heard endless times to just 'reject' what the Inner Critic says... I certainly thought that at first too. Whilst this might be partly helpful, it's also a common mistake in how to effectively deal with the Inner Critic during  the long term.

If we solely ignore what it says, certain negative thoughts & beliefs will simply continue to pop up if we don't deal with the root cause. Our Inner Critic is simply repeating fears and limiting beliefs that have been stored unconsciously from a young age. For example, if we learnt 'I'm stupid' when we were young, that may still pop up in the form of our Inner Critic if we don't address the root cause... the first event in which we decided that.

I've gathered a lot of information on this topic both from my professional work and personal life experiences over the years, no doubt it will become a book one day too. There's just too much to include in just this one blog post!

First of all, let me give you 3 simple steps that both my clients and I have found helpful when noticing negative thoughts from the Inner Critic within.

Pay Attention To The 3 L's

1) Listen and observe what the Inner Critic is saying - awareness is key, observe what is being brought to your attention. There is a huge difference between listening & learning compared to listening & believing the negative thoughts.

2) Learn from the Inner Critic - what is it teaching you about your fears? What limiting beliefs are being pointed out that can be let go of now? Where & when did you decide these beliefs originally? How can you view that past event differently now so to let go of the limiting beliefs? 

For example... if you notice the Inner Critic often comments 'I'm lazy, I can never get anything done' dig a little deeper and uncover the root cause using the questions above. If you'd like an extra helping hand, book yourself a 1:1 Empowerment Session with a coach that works with the unconscious mind (details on what I offer HERE). 

3) Connect to what you Love, at a Soul level regardless of what the negative chatter says within - the Inner Critic is an expert at Finding Excuses And Reasons why you can't do something. Notice that by believing and acting on what it says, you simply keep yourself in a state of fear.

Finally know this... there may be good days and challenging days, and when we discover skills to gain insights and detach from the Inner Critic, life can become much easier. 

It's like you suddenly have the handbook and phrases to speak another language if ever the need arises. 

The Inner Critic is not something to reject or 'get rid of completely'. It's something to help us learn and embrace our shadow side, so we can step into an even greater wholehearted way of life layer by layer. And by doing that, notice how life can be so much more insightful and fulfilling. It's there for a reason.

The Inner Critic is one of our greatest teachers... it's simply up to us to recognise that, and utilise it.

Now its your turn... using the comment section below, what's your Inner Critic teaching you right now? I'd love to hear your shares and perhaps your share can help inspire others too.

Have a friend that may find this useful? Offer them a helping hand and forward this post. Sharing posts like these help to spread love even further into the world.

Find out more: Sign up to my newsletter HERE and receive monthly motivation emails and extra information that I only send by email... oh and FREE gift too!

I KNOW, I've been there too.

Thanks to many useful, practical tips I learnt through NLP I started detaching from my inner critic, transforming that voice into my inner cheerleader.

If you want to discover more about WHAT I DID and how you can benefit, grab a spot at this special workshop... repeated once more due to popular demand.

What To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up...

It's an awful feeling. 

I know I've certainly encountered this many times in my life. 

Creeping up, seemingly as if out of nowhere. 

It's in those moments of lack of hope, exhaustion or simply feeling fed up things can feel pretty bleak, numb and lonely. Striving towards things just to experience setback after setback. In fact, we have more influence on what we experience in life than we realise. 

This topic has come up quite a few times with clients.In a society where 'achieving' and 'doing' is seen to be the bees knees, we are simply repeating the school system well into adult life, looking for validation and praise outside of ourselves. Feeling that we need to achieve, succeed and busy ourselves in order to be accepted.

It's when we start accepting ourselves though, wherever we are on our journey that things begin to transform.

The problem is when in the process striving towards a goal, we can feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted if our focus is misplaced. Often we have high expectations of ourselves, comparing our backstage to another's show reel. Remind yourself of this next time you're on social media! ;-)

I've noticed many times when 'trying to control the outcome' behaviour occurs in clients, it's often due to deep seated fears. When we hold high expectations of what we 'should have in our life' judging, pushing and controlling outcomes we're doing so from a place of fear... a fear of UNCERTAINTY, FAILURE and the meanings we attach to them.

We wrongly assume that if we control the situation as much as we can, in as many aspects as we can... that it guarantees the outcome we desire, therefore eliminating the uncertainty. Actually life can be pretty unexpected at times! We also wrongly assume that if we fail... that somehow leads to rejection from others.

Not necessarily the case. 

What actually happens is that by acting out of fear, we are rejecting the true flow of life, we are rejecting ourselves, our whole, perfectly imperfect selves and exhausting ourselves in the process. Sometimes our desire to give up is simply pinpointing our need to see failure and uncertainty in a different light.

FAILURE is simply and opportunity for feedback, a stepping stone to try again from a different angle. The real failure is failing to try again.

UNCERTAINTY is simply an opportunity for new experiences. If everything was certain in life there would be no adventure, no variety, no excitement and no new wonderful surprises.

Click To Tweet: "When we try to control things we simply fear uncertainty & failure... in fact these bring variety, excitement & direction" Emma Bradford 

In NLP we often talk about goal setting, SMART goals, desired outcomes and more. It's great to have something to move towards to challenge ourselves, grow and evolve as a human being. Life can be pretty dull and frustrating if we remain stuck in the same situation day in day out for years. There's a difference though in pushing and controlling out of fear for something to happen... and lovingly working towards things whilst detaching from the specific outcome of how we need to experience something. 

The 3 Main Steps Of Manifesting...

1) We need to ASK, being clear and specific about what we want. No half-hearted wishful thinking here - be clear! Write it down, speak about it using positive language and be specific.

2) We need to BELIEVE that we can have it or better, tapping into our senses, what we will see, hear, feel when we experience that? Often this step is where people struggle... if we don't address the limiting beliefs held both consciously and unconsciously we will find it very hard to manifest what we desire. And when we truly believe that something can happen, we can let go of all needs to control the situation. When we try to control, often that is simply indicating that at some level we are holding a fear/doubt that it may not happen. 

3) We need to be open to RECEIVE what it is that we desire, and this can take action too. Things don't necessarily fall from the sky into out laps (even though I have seen some magical things happen!) we need to take inspired action and meet the Universe (or whatever term you wish to use) halfway. This is where our intuition comes into play. Listen to your gut feeling pulling you towards or away from something... intuition invites us to take inspired action.

There's a difference between wanting with fearful attachment...

"If I don't get this I'm a failure"

Forcing and exhausting ourselves to achieve something VS asking and believing without ties to the specific result and especially how something occurs...

"I desire this or better... I'm open to wonderful new experiences coming my way"

If you have been working towards something recently and feel like giving up, use these next 4 steps I put together to rebuild your foundations.

The 4 W's To Realignment...

1) WHICH emotions are present? Notice how you are feeling, what is within and safely express that ('I feel...' page which you can download HERE can help)

2) WHAT is this feeling and setback teaching you now?  Tap into your curious mindset and ask yourself the meaning of the current situation. How is this setback helping to propel you forward into the life you desire?

3) WHERE is your focus? Are you focusing on where you are not, the lack and fear in life? If so, refocus on what fills you with love, take bite size steps towards your desired outcome. 

4) WHY are you working towards this desired outcome? What is your big 'WHY' behind this... what will it give you? Use this as motivation to continue moving forward.

Now I'd love to hear from you! Is there something you have been working towards and have been struggling to make it a reality? If so, what have you found most useful in this blog post and why?

Have a friend that is struggling at the moment? Send them some love and offer a helping hand by sharing this post. 

If you want FREE NLP coaching and weekly guidance and support, join the online community HERE. 

PLEASE NOTE: Whilst this blog post is mainly addressing the feeling of giving up regarding projects and goals, helplessness can feel awful. If for any reason this is going deeper and you feel suicidal please contact your local support number here. 

My Key To Wholehearted Living

There’s a story behind this stone.

One that taught me more than I could have imagined.

You see, ever since I can remember I’ve been an optimistic person naturally able to re-frame events. I’d be the one drawing a cheeky smiley face for a friend in need, making an extra batch of soup for a heartbroken housemate or helping others see the positive side of things. I felt their pain so strongly and would try with all my might to help them feel better.

Naturally this developed into my profession too.

It’s been one hell of a journey though and I can see looking back how out of balance I was at times. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is allow people to walk their own path in life - even if it means them hitting rock bottom so to desire change and connect with their full potential.

Before I discovered NLP I’d learnt like many to ignore my emotions - a way of survival from a young age. Though in the long term that behaviour was actually doing more harm than good. Thankfully self-awareness skills I discovered, taught me ways to manage how I felt and let go of things at a deep unconscious level to promote healing.

However in the early days of my NLP journey, there was still something out of alignment… I saw myself as something broken, needing ‘fixing’ on a daily basis.

I had an overwhelming list of limiting beliefs and unwanted emotions rising to the surface. Luckily my teacher Jessica Robbins, wisely reminded us “You don’t need to remove every limiting belief, only the ones which stand in the way of achieving a desired outcome”.

Phew! That’s a relief then.

I steadily learnt to be less judgmental of myself, created techniques like the ‘I Feel…’ page (FREE download below) to help acknowledge emotions and release them. I regularly tune into what my body and intuition is communicating to me, listening intently for the next steps to take. However I too need reminders occasionally, as there are always opportunities in life to shed another layer towards a more wholehearted, authentic way of living.

It was my intuition that took me to a National Park in Menorca for a short trip. There I made new connections, welcoming another experience and opportunity for growth. Of course, there were doubts and fears; changes needed to be made to my work schedule, and opening up to new people can be scary after heartbreak. 

It's essential though, that our hearts remain open regardless. 

My profession doesn’t magically remove my Inner Critic forever; I simply intend to connect to what I love on a regular basis, using techniques to ease the process if any fears arise. 

Back home on the beach I watched the waves eating their way across the shore, observing the wet stones glistening in the sand. One caught my attention; it was a beautiful oval, grey, sparkly stone, which reminded me of a dear friend from my recent trip. I bent down to pick it up when a huge wave came, when the wave retreated the stone was gone. Disappointed, I looked around though it was nowhere to be found. Still thinking of that friend, another stone caught my eye. Little did I know then what this beautiful heart shaped stone would truly represent.

Listening to my gut instinct, I took another trip to Menorca a few months later. Eagerly anticipating what adventures lay ahead. For the first time I’d be doing a full test run of working remotely. It was on this recent trip when I began to realise the true meaning of my stone.

At times in my life I was still so far from wholehearted living, only seeing the positive side of things and what needed to change.

I found it super easy to talk about the light.

This will remain a huge part of me I’m sure. It allows me to see and remind clients of their true potential when they’ve lost all hope. Though in the past I saw myself as something that needed ‘fixing’, fearing pain rather than embracing my whole self with love when letting go of what was no longer useful.

Looking at my stone, its meaning clicked. 

It represents the light and dark within everyone. The importance of embracing our whole selves, using this as a foundation to make necessary shifts in our lives with compassion and presence.

Imagine a parent holding their sobbing child... eyes closed, a loving calm breath, whilst embracing the hurt with 100% presence. Later to ask the child, ‘what did you learn here for next time?’ 

This is how we need to embrace hurting parts of ourselves. I knew this concept before, though to experience first-hand my friend in Menorca comforting a child in pain, I understood and valued this at a much deeper level.

The KEY is the intention and perspective we hold when we look within. Choosing out of LOVE for ourselves and our future to make changes, rather than out of fear of feeling pain.

We can either…

A) See problems, ourselves as broken individuals that need fixing, run to techniques or vices out of fear, unwilling to really look within and learn from past experiences, judging ourselves in the process for not being perfect enough.

Or we can…

B)  Embrace ourselves in spite of pain, learn and transform at a deep unconscious level using techniques like NLP* stepping each day closer to embracing our whole self in each moment. Knowing that there may be fear, pain and suffering at times… that's ok. We can experience a huge amount of joy and love when we truly embrace life. If we notice painful beliefs or emotions arising, to have the courage and self-love to fully see and learn from them, choosing to lovingly transform them without judgement if needed.

“I notice ___(observe feelings)___, it's ok, everyone has felt that at some point in their life, wonder what I can learn here?"

We can miss valuable opportunities for growth if we skip straight to ‘this is bad, get rid of the pain’ with a judgmental perspective that we're not perfect enough compared to others. If we don’t fully integrate these insights and heal the belief that we need 'fixing' there’s a chance we may find ourselves repeating the pattern.

Not always easy I know.

It’s human nature to move away from suffering and often we seek comfort from alcohol, food, unhelpful habits etc. Remember these only give us short lived pleasure, when in reality long lasting happiness is desired. And anything less than embracing all parts of ourselves with love isn't being exquisitely human too though, isn't it?

Here I am on a journey, shedding another layer, stepping a little bit closer to wholehearted living. I invite you to join me and many others on this journey.

We’re each at the point in our life that’s perfect for us.

Time to ditch the label ‘we're broken’ and let go of comparisons. If there are bumps along the way may we have the courage to breathe into any pain a little deeper, learn from it a little more and embrace our whole selves, whilst lovingly continuing to grow and make changes if needed.

Now I’d love to hear from you! Comment below what you found most useful from this post and why. 

Have a friend who would be interested too? Offer them a helping hand and share this post.

EXTRA: 'I Feel...' page Download HERE. And for a FREE boost your Self-Esteem pack head on over to my website www.emmabradford.net.

*Or any other method that helps you to heal at an unconscious level removing the root cause with love.

How To Transform An Unfortunate Situation Into A Fortunate Experience

Crraack!

I looked up towards a family member with me at the time and we both started to giggle. My hands holding two pieces of broken glass, a perfect accompaniment to the red cheeks on my face.

A wave of both fear and amusement crept over me.

Fear of the unknown, what may or may not lie ahead... and amusement because, really what were the chances.

It was just too funny.

This experience during the summer made me think about authenticity. How being AUTHENTIC can lead to wondrous rewards, even if initially it can feel shameful, embarrassing and/or fearful of uncertainty.

I knew in that moment, standing there in the shop with a cracked glass picture frame in hand, I had TWO choices...

1) To place the glass to one side and move along, not saying anything out of fear of what might happen if I did.

or

2) Own up, be authentic and aligned with my values, willing to accept any consequences that may occur.

Broken down, it was simply a choice of connecting with either FEAR or LOVE.

Tweet: "When you open up & show up, you put yourself in line to receive beautiful gifts. When you hide & withdraw, you remove yourself from the abundance that wishes to greet you" Emma Bradford

This also ties in with a recent NLP class I taught a few weeks ago, discussing the huge topic of Life Purpose with group members. One of the definitions that came to mind was...

"To connect with what brings us happiness and joy (in a healthy, fulfilling way)... being AUTHENTIC and aligned with our values". 

This can help us create direction and connect with our life purpose. 

If we value LOVE in our life, by acting in alignment with this value can bring great fulfillment and rewards. For example by being loving to ourselves and others whilst maintaining and respecting boundaries.

If we value CONNECTION, again, acting in alignment with this can open up wondrous experiences in our life. For example, prioritising moments of true connection with others, whether that be physically with a partner, through conversation, presence and/or support.

What do you value in your life? 

And are you acting in alignment with those values? 

If not, how can you create more alignment in your daily life? 

One of my personal values is authenticity, which is why I automatically felt called to go straight to the shop owner and confess what had happened. It was something I had to do as the more I intend to connect with authenticity in my life, the more painful being inauthentic is. 

I simply can't do it. 

The best thing was, after confessing about the accident I wasn't charged and was even given a free picture frame mount in return. 

Situation transformed!

Being authentic is allowing ourselves (without judgement) to be bold, and colourful if we wish. Trusting and giving ourselves the space to simply be who we want with flexibility, so we can change priorities and values to what resonates if needed.

As we grow throughout life, so may our values. That's perfectly ok. And as we go through new experiences our priorities can change.

Being authentic is a continuous practice of paying attention to ourselves and what's important to us in each moment... living our day to day life with the intention to resonate with alignment with what we truly value and what feels right.

Now it's your turn! If you were to know, what are some of your top values in life? You can discover this by considering all areas of your life from relationships, to career to spirituality etc... what is important for you in each category? e.g. intimacy, success, connection...

Pick one value, and brainstorm how you can bring in more of that into your life over the next few weeks. For example, someone may say intimacy is key in relationships, therefore they may intend to open up, share, be vulnerable with loved ones even more so to help create more intimacy. 

Notice how this can TRANSFORM any challenges you may be facing the more you connect and align yourself with your values.

Using the comment section below, hold yourself accountable and state what you'll start doing and when to experience these shifts. 

Have a friend feeling lost and in need of a helping hand? Offer them some support and share this post. How can you guide each other in being even more authentic and aligned with what you find in important in life? 

If you'd like to be the first to receive these monthly insights, and receive a FREE Boosting Self-Esteem kit too, head on over to my WEBSITE where you can sign up for positive change.

How To REALLY Let Hurt Go... 5 Steps To Emotional Freedom

"There's always a reason" we hear people say.

A positive intention behind every behaviour.

Yes, that's right, you heard it here first - binging on chocolate may actually serving you at some level. Whether that level is good for your long term well-being, is another question!

In excess it may create unwanted, unhealthy side affects, though if there was no gain whatsoever (positive intention) even if you're not aware of it consciously,  you wouldn't do it in the first place.

Same goes for running from committed relationships, working all hours until you are burnt out, excessive Facebook scrolling (yes I've been guilty at times too!) and even snapping at a loved ones.

There's always a hidden positive intention.

So how can someone being mean to another or drinking excessively until it creates alcoholism be a positive thing?

Surely it's negative right?

First of all we need to differentiate between BEHAVIOUR and INTENTION. Behaviour is the by product, the action taken. Intention is the unconscious (and sometimes conscious) meaning, beliefs and drive of what the search is all about.

I was talking about this with a dear friend recently who was worried about a family member, trying hard not to take things personally...

"Respond to her, not her behaviour." I said.

In other words realise that deep down behind the masks, the layers, the fears and doubts which influence behaviour... there is something so much more.

Deep, deep within there is a living spark, an energy, pure love, light, a Soul... whatever you wish to call it. This is the true essence within and whilst maintaining your values and self-respect you can connect to others from this perspective. 

When we are on the receiving end of hurtful behaviour it can be all too easy to slip into a fearful egotistical battle of who's right and who's wrong, forgetting that deep down virtually everyone simply wants to feel loved. Even if some tend to go about it in a rather funny way!

Tweet this: "Matching FEAR with FEAR does not create LOVE" Emma Bradford 

www.emmabradford.net 

Respect yourself and others and connect to love rather than  fear. Be the one to change the pattern,  and notice what transforms.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm by no means perfect. 

It's through my many slip ups, mistakes and observations that I learn what can help both myself and clients too. As I continue this journey, I have noticed more and more the lack of desire to take part in the battle of who is right or wrong. Sure I have my opinions, and I am passionate about what I believe in... I just recognise the benefit of letting it go too when needed.

Talking of letting it go - how on earth do we do that?

I've read so many articles and books over the years where authors state 'just let it go'. Before I learnt the NLP and Self-Awareness techniques I now know, I always responded with... "but HOW?"

If we've been hurt, HOW do we let it go? Easier said than done right?

So what's the magic formula?

5 Steps To REALLY Let Hurt Go

1) ACKNOWLEDGE & ACCEPT HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW:

You've probably heard the phrase 'What you resist, persists' right? Emotions are simply energy-in-motion and acknowledging how we truly feel first without judgement is the fastest way to start letting things go.

Give yourself time and space first to gently express how you feel. One way that I often recommend clients to do this is by using the 'I feel...' page that I created (grab your FREE download here).

This exercise was invaluable for me too going through a relationship breakup last year. Completely heartbroken, it gave me an effective outlet in the grieving process, helping to steadily climb my way out of the black hole that I felt had surrounded me at the time.

2) SET THE INTENTION:

Set your intention for how you want to feel and experience life... focusing on what you WANT rather than what you don't. This, in conjunction with the other steps helps to create direction and clarity. It also tells your RAS, a part of your brain connected with filtering how you experience life what you really want to experience thus affecting that outcome.

Focus on what you want, and the direction you want to go in.

3) FIND MEANING & UNDERSTANDING:

You've probably heard me mention many times Tony Robbin's famous line of  "If life happens FOR us rather than to us, what can we learn here?". There's a point... it helps us to find meaning in painful situations and as 'A Man's Search For Meaning' Author, Victor Frankl stated in his best selling book - when people find meaning they can get through anything. This is where the looking beyond people's behaviour as I mentioned earlier in this post and finding the positive intention can work wonders.

What is really going on here? 

What can I learn here?

How can this experience help me reconnect with my true self within even further? 

4) CONNECT TO LOVE:

When you come from the perspective of 'we're just Souls experiencing a physical life' or 'we're simply living breathing human being's, all looking to feel love and belonging' (however some people may go about it!) it can be a lot easier to connect to a compassionate and loving view of that person.

I have also found that remembering that each and every person just like myself at some point in their life has felt alone, hurt and struggling. Those moments where I have felt at my lowest, others have also felt that too. This is one way I quickly and naturally connect to the humble human connection recognising that we're all the same. This can quickly transform into compassion for others when connected to this perspective. 

After finding meaning (as I mention in step 3) allow this to transform into feeling gratitude for what you have learnt from that experience. By doing so, this helps to connect to the vibration of love and send it toward the other person involved, thanking them for the deep lesson. Energetically when we connect to love, things can heal much faster.

5) REPROGRAMME YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND:

And this is key that most people forget.

Our unconscious mind controls much more than we think... some Scientists say up to 99% of what we do is influenced by our unconscious so if we don't make the necessary changes at an neurological level, sometimes the healing process can take much, much longer than we anticipated. That's not to say you can't heal at all by only working on things consciously... its possible, as everything is connected. Though to create quick long lasting results, techniques like NLP can be wonderful, effective tools for change. Making sure that at all levels your beliefs, emotions and behaviours are congruent and aligned. If we don't remove the negative attachments, patterns can repeat again, and again.

It's like having storeroom filled with food and supplies... if you don't remove that rotten onion at the back of the basket, the bad smell with continue to remain present no matter how much you try to freshen the air!

You can find more information on this blog about how to work with the unconscious mind, attend one of my classes or sign up for personal coaching sessions... www.emmabradford.net 

Now it's over to you!  

Which of these 5 steps did you find most useful and why? Using the comment section below I'd love to hear your shares.

Have a friend going through a challenging time? Offer them a helping hand and forward on this post.

If you'd like to be the first to receive these monthly insights, and receive a FREE Boosting Self-Esteem kit too, head on over to my WEBSITE where you can sign up for positive change.

7 Life Lessons I've Learned from NLP...

The last 4 and a half years have been a HUGE journey. 

I have laughed, cried, and found meaning to seemingly hopeless situations. Walked barefoot over hot coals, and completely changed the direction of my life. 

It's not been easy.  

And there were many times I felt like giving up.

Though, through perseverance and by using NLP professionally to help others on a regular basis, my whole world has expanded.

Years ago, when I first stepped into that training room on day one, nervously anticipating what would come... little did I know how far this journey would take me. 

And I'm not necessarily talking about achievements either. 

I was completely unaware how far it would take me into a deeper understanding and awareness of myself and others. 

Among all the insights since becoming a NLP Coach, there are a few key things I discovered along the way. Mostly through trial and error... and a few unfortunate circumstances.

For your benefit, I've translated these insights into Life Lessons so it's applicable to everyone, as not everyone want's to be a Coach... it's a tough job at times!


7 Life Lessons...

1) THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE: 
People will change if they really want to change, and if they don't desire that change, don't force it. 

I learnt this the hard way and now know to respect loved ones personal choice. Whilst I market my work online (I feel it's my duty to do so, to keep it accessible if people are interested and in need of support), I just now place it in a common space where people can choose to connect if they want to know more. With friends and family I talk about what I'm passionate about though I steer clear if I sense they're are not interested. 

This is true too for coaching clients... there is no point doing sessions if a client doesn't want to put in some input and experience the change!

We also have a choice on how we live our life and respond to situations. We can choose to take action, accept personal responsibility for our life, or choose to continue living a dis-empowered life blaming others for our misfortunes. 

It's our choice.

Life Lesson: In every situation, even if  you initially feel otherwise, you have a choice on how you live your life and how you respond to events.

2) TAP INTO YOUR INNER STRENGTH: 
We are so resilient, more than we know, and NLP as much as anything has been a tool to remember this. To clear away the cobwebs and 'see' what is really within. A huge potential, spark and light within each and everyone of us. It's a series of tools and techniques to remember who we truly are.

In challenging moments, ask yourself... 

'Am I focusing on the problem? Or what I can do about it?' 

'Am I focused on failures, inner critic and imperfections? Or am I focused on my strengths and resources within?'

Life Lesson: You are more than a million times better, stronger, and lovable than you think. Focus on your strengths and solutions will appear. 

3) DISCOVER THE DEEPER UNDERSTANDING: 
Your external world is a reflection of your inner world. Clients can be excellent mirrors in that sense however it is VITAL in being the best Coach that you continue working on yourself so not to project 'your stuff' onto them. Personally, by looking deeper within over the years I finally understood the 'why' behind fears and beliefs I used to hold, almost like a light bulb being switched on in a dark room... now everything is clear about any pain and suffering I endured.

Life Lesson: Every single moment, no matter how painful is an opportunity to gain deeper understanding about ourselves and others... and through this understanding comes healing.

4) START BEFORE YOU'RE READY: 
Becoming a NLP Coach, has taught me to be courageous. To step out of my comfort zone and to start before I felt ready. I remember during the first few practice sessions with case studies years ago, I was terrified. Hearing an endless spew from my Inner Critic on why 'I wasn't good enough' which really was only trying to keep me within my comfort zone, safe and protected out of fear of rejection and danger.

Looking back I am so glad I made the conscious choice to continue regardless. Often when we experience the doing of something, that very process builds confidence in the said activity. 

Life Lesson: If you wait until you feel ready, even if its something you really want to do, not only do you miss out on a great learning experience, other people miss out too. 

Tweet this: "If you wait until you feel ready, not only are you missing out on great gifts, others miss out too" Emma Bradford #StartBeforeYou'reReady

5) ENGAGE IN ACTIVITY: 
I can't count how many times I have met individuals who have done NLP qualifications (or other for that matter), proudly stating who they studied with... yet still fail to grasp the number 1 key of NLP. 

It doesn't give you the desired shifts if you don't use it! 

If you want to experience shifts, start attending practice evenings like the one HERE in Barcelona, find a Coach or practice the techniques yourself... and keep going until you achieve the results you want. 

Knowledge is useful, though wisdom through experiencing it first hand is priceless.

Life Lesson: There's no failure... only feedback. Use what you learn and keep going, try different practical approaches until you get the results you want. You are closer than you think.

6) BE A MAGPIE: 
This phrase always makes me giggle. A late University teacher once told me this, as I was starting out my Textile Design training many years ago before I chose my current path. To be a great Artist or Designer, you need to be observant. 

Inspiration is everywhere. 

In other words... "Be a Magpie looking for those shiny objects" he said. 

NLP is an ongoing learning curve. Being a Master Practitioner doesn't mean that you have mastered everything and cease to learn... in my eyes it simply means that you have mastered the art of being connected to that curious mindset. 'I wonder what is really going on here', discovering the deeper meaning as I previously mentioned... and being open to learning more, expanding on techniques and related topics both for yourself and your clients.

Life Lesson: It's out there... if you look for it, you can find it.


7) NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE MIND: 
That grey matter inside your skull is one of the most powerful tools you have. I always knew the mind had a huge influence on our lives, though after my trainings and experiencing this first hand both through Firewalk's, healing small physical ailments and much more... I can now see I hugely underestimated the value of my mind before. Our beliefs and mindset play a huge role in our life experience. 

If you say to yourself repeatedly 'I'm bad, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm not worthy...' how does your body respond? Often muscles start to tense and we adopt a body posture that closes in and withdraws. 

Whereas if we were to state the opposite 'I'm good, I'm intelligent, I'm beautiful, I'm worthy...' how does your body react differently? Do you notice an increased sense of lightness, ease in breath or feel more relaxed? Or perhaps you may notice your body posture starting to open up?

These changes can be subtle at first, though by trying this out you can literally feel the results of how your mind can affect your physical reality. 

Life Lesson: The mind has more influence on our life experience than many can imagine. The grass is greener where you water it! 

Now its your turn... using the comment section below, which of these 7 Life Lessons most resonated with you most and why? I'd love to hear your shares and perhaps your share can help inspire others too.

Have a friend that may find this useful? Offer them a helping hand and share this blog post.

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This Could Transform Your Day...

The mind is very quick. 

It likes to jump around, explore, reflect, question and create stories about ourselves. 

It also likes to generate endless things to do. Especially if you're creative like me... the formation of ideas can be endless.

This practical tool I'm about to share with you (FREE download included too!) can transform the way you structure your days. It can boost Self-Esteem and ease off pressure. 

Something so simple, yet it works. 

We have a powerful mind to think with, emotions to bring colour to life and a physical body to help us experience physical life on Earth. Learning to embrace our humanness is a beautiful thing. Deep down though, we are, at the essence of it all, energy as Albert Einstein famously quoted...

"Everything is energy. Matter is energy, energy is light... we are light beings" 

Albert Einstein

We know from Einstein and many scientific studies that within everything you can find this energy. Liquids, gases and solids all contain energy and each vibrates at a different speed to create the form that it has. Solids vibrate much more slowly compared to a gas… which is why we can grasp hold of an object and see it. The same goes for us. Our physical body, our mind and emotions all vibrate at different speeds.

On a vibrational level the mind is much quicker than the physical body; it forgets to take into account the physical body’s need for more time to do things. 

Notice this... 

If I ask you to close your eyes right now and go to a tranquil beach, noticing the sights, sounds and sensations of that beautiful beach, your mind is already there right?

If you focus on that image long enough, feelings and emotions will then start to bubble up too relating to that beach. Your emotional body is a little slower than the mind yet still quicker than the physical body. 

Your physical body on the other hand hasn’t traveled to the beach in those few seconds; you are still in the same current location physically. 

Here you can see how quick the mind is… it doesn’t have any limitations on where it can go or what it can do when you’re simply thinking about things. It can go anywhere and do anything in a split second. 

The side effects…

When we have hundreds of things to do, the mind can get carried away… thinking that we can get everything done and we should get everything done. And by the end of the day when we don’t achieve everything (because the physical body needs more time to do things compared to the mind), feelings of disappointment, frustration and believing ‘I’m a failure’ are all too common.

"Arghh I didn't get __X__ done!"

"I'm useless, I can't do anything!"

Ouch!

This particular method I'm about to share with you helps to reduce all that negative chatter by listening to our physical body too. It’s still a wonderful way to organise our tasks, and personally out of all of the different 'To Do List' methods out there… this is the one that I have benefited from the most and helped to reduce overwhelm.

Tweet This: "Use the creativity & strength of your MIND, alongside intuitive guidance from your BODY" Emma Bradford

Recognising and respecting all parts of ourselves as we go through daily life towards our desired outcomes. 

Goodbye pressures!

Trust that you are exactly where you need to be right now and use the skills and knowledge around  you and within you to create a more harmonious life experience.

Try this... 

By transforming your to do list into a MIND/BODY list you can start to organise tasks in an easy and manageable way. Allow your mind to spill out everything it wants to get done on the left hand side column and then choose only 3 of the most important, urgent, necessary tasks and carry it over into the right hand side column. The right hand side column, 'The Body List' is your to do list for the day. 

That's it.

If you have plenty of time spare afterwards and are feeling up to doing a few extra things you can choose one or two extra tasks from the left hand side column. If that's the case notice how great you feel knowing that you already did the 3 most important and necessary tasks!

By reducing the list significantly you can ease of off pressure and remind yourself to check in with how you feel physically each day. Helping you to respect your physical body even more, avoiding burnout and built up stress.

FREE DOWNLOAD: To make things even easier, HERE is a pdf download for your personal daily list including extra guidance. Simply download and print.

Until next time, wishing you a fabulous month ahead!

Now over to you...

Download your list using the link above and let me know in the comments below...

• What changes as you adopt this new way of organising your day? 
• How do you feel at all levels... mentally, emotionally and physically? 

Have a friend that is struggling with overwhelm, pushing themselves too hard or needs a hand with organisation? Forward this blog post and offer them a helping hand.

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